The assumptions that come with BDSM are often what keep curious people from trying it out and having what could be incredible experiences. While BDSM stands for Bondage, Dominance, Submission/Sadomasochism and Masochism, there are many who practice it without even being too physical, let alone in pain. S&M is the region of BDSM that many struggle to wrap their heads around, it’s very definition being finding pleasure in inflicting pain, or having pain inflicted on you. This is only a part of the BDSM life, not the basis of it.
The majority lies in the mental. Many of those who relish the pain elements of BDSM do so because that pain brings a new level to their pleasure. When one thinks of pain, you may compare it to actual hurt and this isn’t that. This is pain with the intention of giving you pleasure. Where spanking someone on the butt sends vibrations to their more sensitive areas. Where tiny pinches on your nipples has wetness running down your leg. Where scratches on your body makes you want more of the same. Everything that is done is done so deliberately and with the purpose of taking pleasure to the best place it can get to.
Sensual dominance in BDSM
Something to try is sensual dominance, where toys and tools are brought into play with barely any pain at all. The sensation of having a flogger, whip or even a knife grazing your skin can be more sensual than an actual strike. A light scarf used to tie your wrists giving you a feeling of safety that you’ve always craved. Few things are like a tug at your hair or a slight slap to your cheek keep you in the moment. Even with those light sensations used, you may want to go further as you feel that very slight discomfort gives you pleasure. Make sure that your partner knows this and knows when to stop. What’s always a great idea is having a safe word: it’s important to avoid getting swept up in the moment and ending up hurt. Exploration of pleasure while staying safe should be an element of everyone’s sex life.
Once that exploration has occurred, another important part of BDSM that people are often unaware of, that is also pain-free, is aftercare. Aftercare is involved in every element of BDSM whether there was light to excessive pain in the scene; who doesn’t love some good old cuddling and kisses all over your body? Involve this in your sex life especially when exploring BDSM as a new experience. Talking about what you both went through, how you felt and what you may want to change the next time. Think of it as debriefing session, but with cuddles and kisses.
While there is always a basis in all the above within BDSM, remember that not one BDSM dynamic is exactly the same as another. The phrase Your Kink Is Not My Kink is something to keep in mind. You need to find what you like and bring that into your own sex life in whichever way you please. Happy exploring!
