Why is Sex So Important to My Husband?

Why is Sex So Important to My Husband?

While it’s true that no two people are exactly alike, and we all get into relationships for different reasons, some general principles apply to most of us.
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How does one romance a woman?

Wine her, dine her, call her, cuddle her, surprise her, compliment her hair, shop with her, listen to her talk, buy flowers, hold her hand, write love letters, and be willing to go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

Sounds about right - who doesn’t want to be treated like that?

So then, how does one romance a man?

Simple: show up naked. Bring beer.

Different strokes …

While it’s true that no two people are alike, and we all get into relationships for different reasons, some general principles do apply:

For most women, relationships are about love and connection. A woman will generally gravitate to a man based on the love she feels for and receives from, him. Men, on the other hand, will more often than not get into a relationship based on the sexual attraction they feel for a woman, and then fall in love.

In a survey of married men, 83% of them indicated that mutual pleasure and female initiation of sex were among their primary sexual needs. A lot of ladies may feel that sex is only a small part of their relationship, and if they have the support and connection they crave, it’s not that relevant to them. For guys, on the other hand, sex is one of the most important items – if not THE most important one – in the relationship. According to Marriage.com, sex is not always important to women but it will NEVER stop being important to men. It’s hard-wired into the male system.

So, why is sex so important to men?

Men need sex as much as food and sleep.

Sex is the way men connect

Sex is as important as trust and communication in a relationship. Men are raised to be “the strong, silent type” impervious to pain, and barred by Society from expressing either it, fear, or any other emotion that could be perceived as weak.

This means that being deprived of expression of these core facets of themselves they are deprived of authentic connection.

Sex requires vulnerability. You lay yourself bare – literally – at the mercy of another person. It demands a sanctified area of complete honesty, with nowhere to hide. This unbridled transparency opens up a level of connection that cannot be duplicated in any other sphere, especially when it is with someone you love.

Sex is a way to unite two people

Sex is the glue that keeps a relationship together. It transcends the challenges of daily life and affirms that, come what may, the foundation of the relationship is unshakeable. The act of sex releases hormones that de-stress the brain and body, which means that a good coupling can go a long way towards dissolving the obstacles that are holding you apart.

Being physically close and vulnerable requires enormous trust and courage. But it does build a unique closeness as you bare your soul to that special someone you love. You develop your own secret language. You share adventures that will never (hopefully) reach social media as the rest of your life can do. In a world increasingly invaded by digital demands for connection, sex can be a very intimate, private, off-the-grid connection with another's core soul.

Intercourse is what moulds an amazing friendship into a dynamic duo – something that no other type of relationship can offer. Without intimacy, you are little more than roommates. Sex is the perfect way to be completely present and mindful with your husband, often sprinkling something spiritual onto your union. Some people regard intimacy as meditation made physical.

Sex is a healthy way to de-stress and often helps beat depression.

Sexual activity releases endorphins. These happy hormones boost your mood and balance your emotions. They also moderate a person's response to stress and thereby reduce it. In other words, sex helps us cope better with daily life.

An invigorating round of sex improves sleep. We all know that things are more manageable after a good night’s sleep, so be sure to pave the way.

Orgasm stimulates the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin is also known as the Cuddle Hormone, and it makes us feel happier to be around the people closest to us. What is interesting about oxytocin is that it promotes bonding, meaning that a man will feel closer to the one he’s just made love to. In other words, the more they "engage" the closer they become.

In short: sex makes him happy. It is his natural feel-good opiate.

Sex builds confidence

The male ego is often inexorably bound to sex and sexual performance. A man loves praise and to be a hero. Bringing the woman of his dreams to climax is one sure-fire confirmation of his prowess in the bedroom. Making his lady happy proves he is good at his job, and makes him feel like the ultimate "stud". 

A confident man is a happy man, and a happy man is likely to want to make his woman happy by trying to be more of what she wishes him to be. 

Sex also improves body- and self-image. When a couple is sexually intimate regularly, both partners have the comfort of being intimately known, and accepted. No other human interaction offers this. When a man desires his woman sexually, it makes her feel desirable and needed which, in turn, makes him feel like an Eros.

In a nutshell: having sex allows a man to demonstrate his prowess, and  underscores his invincibility!

Sex can unquestionably be truckloads of fun

And free. (Unless you want to spice things up.) So be creative, think out of the box, and watch your husband BEAM.

Sex is a celebration of life

Psychologist Dr Melodie Schaefer explains it perfectly:

“Men wish women would take more of a ‘carpe diem’ approach to sex. On the long list of our priorities, sex should not be on the bottom rung.”

For many busy women trying to juggle all their roles in life takes priority over sex. Jobs, children, housework, family, friends and even hobbies all wedge themselves in ahead of sexual relations. I.e. It IS squarely on the bottom rung!

When one considers the health benefits of regular sex described on Marriage.com, one begins to see why men wish their wives would prioritise sex more than they do. “Sex alleviates anxiety and stress, reduces blood pressure, promotes healing and couple-bonding.”

What if sex isn’t happening?

If you’re not having sex, it could be that one of you, or both, is busy, tired, unwell, or stressed. More often than not, however, there is a deeper, niggling reason needing urgent attention.

Popular health blog FitnessRepublic comments:

“Not having sex is most likely a symptom of a deeper problem. There could be a barrier to communication or a lack of trust between partners that translates into a lack of intimacy. Both men and women enjoy and desire sex (in most cases), so if it isn’t happening something is amiss.

If you’re not having sex, the most important thing you can do is talk about it with your partner. Have an open and honest discussion about why you’re not having sex, and what you can do about it. Sexual intimacy is crucial for a healthy relationship, so restoring an active sex life is an important step toward building a more solid foundation. Remember that open and honest communication should also extend to the bedroom.

Sexual frustration may come from simple misunderstandings. If you want to try something new sexually, you need to voice it to your partner. No one can read minds, and the only way your partner will know about your sexual desires is if you say them out loud. As long as there is trust between the two of you, they will hear everything you have to say with an open mind.”

Sex: not just for men

Contrary to what some people think, women love sex too. You may have heard that men need sex more than women do, but this is often untrue. Sexuality and sexual desire is a genderless matter. It must be noted here that using a “need” for sex to guilt another person into submitting is tantamount to emotional and physical manipulation - not acceptable. However, downplaying the genuine significance of sex for both parties in a healthy relationship is equally unacceptable. You owe it to yourselves to balance things out.

The most important elements in any relationship are honesty and trust. Whether this leads to a robust sex life, or intercourse leads to an ever-deeper intimate relationship, is irrelevant - they are two sides of the same coin, and each is as weighty as the other and should be treated as such.

So, if sex isn’t a regular part of your relationship, a heartfelt chat is long overdue.