We all lead busy lives. Work, kids, social commitments, more work, emails, stress, writing blog posts for SA’s leading online sex toy and lingerie shop. You know how it is.
I’m not making it up. If you want a perfect example of this, I’m way behind deadline on this article – life in the Jet Propulsion Lab (I am masquerading as a Rocket Scientist while writing for Matilda’s, remember?) has just been so hectic lately.
There is a serious point here though. When we are so pushed for time, something has to give, and unfortunately, all too often it’s not the work or the emails. In a recent survey, American couples listed time pressure as the number one reason for not having regular intimacy with their partner. Given all the other reasons that they could have come up with, that’s significant. Relationships are complicated, multi-factorial things, but all too often, a decline in the physical aspect is seen as being indicative of the overall state of things.
This isn’t merely an American issue though. It could happen to you too – if you’re honest, it probably already has to some degree or other. So, what can you do about it?
Well, as with many things, it takes effort, discipline, determination and communication. As Psychology Today tells us:
This is not a matter of “working on your relationship,” but rather, it’s about feeding the relationship and giving it the time, energy, attention, care, and pleasure that it requires in order to thrive.
There are a million websites out there full of advice, each with their own suggestions for how best to address this issue. But as we’ve discussed above, you simply don’t have time for that, so here’s the digested version of the most common themes and ideas that run through most of them.
Schedule intimate time together
Let’s face it, you’ve been scheduling time for anything and everything else, so this shouldn’t be too difficult. And while scheduled sex might not seem to be the most romantic thing (because it isn’t), it’s a good and really important start to reminding yourselves about just how good it can be to enjoy intimacy with one another.
Spice things up
Make some extra effort and ensure that each physical encounter is a sizzling occasion. Thankfully, you’re on the right site if you’re looking for the perfect toy or outfit to spice up your intimate time together.
There’s more to intimacy than just sex, of course. Enjoying time together over a glass of wine, a good meal or even just a couple of hours of escapism at the movies is a great way to relax, chill out and reconnect. Book a babysitter, make a plan and just watch the effects!
Going to bed at the same time
This seems like a minor thing, but think about it – if one partner is fast asleep by the time the other comes to bed, the chances of any physical activity are pretty much zero. Also, snoring can be rather off-putting.
No TV in the bedroom
Er... yeah. I’m guilty of this, most especially during the football season. But are you really unwilling to forgo the Champions League (or Grey’s Anatomy or whatever) for the chance of intimacy with your partner - especially with the record button so readily available? Equally though, remember that in a time-stressed world, an hour (or 90 minutes plus injury time) of relaxation can be important. Communication and mutual understanding are key here.
The weekend away
This is the big one. The seemingly unattainable Holy Grail. You’re going to need time, support, planning, money and determination. It’s a big ask, but if you can do it – and I can personally vouch for this – it’s SO worth it! You don’t have to go far. A change of scenery and an escape from routine can make a world of difference. Maybe it’s a surprise from one partner to the other, or maybe you spend time organising it together. This latter approach means that you both have time to look forward to your time away.
All of these ideas are made so much easier with communication and a willingness to do a little work. And honestly, who isn’t going to make a bit of effort when you look at the rewards that might then follow? The fact is that every opportunity you make to reconnect with one another can help remind you both why you got together in the first place, and that often acts as a catalyst for a healthier, more intimate relationship. Give it a go.
The Rocket Scientist on the Importance of Intimacy.