How to introduce kink into your playtime...
Everyone is different, and one girl’s regular Saturday night may be another girl’s night of hot kinky fantasy.
As long as you’re having a good time, we reckon anything goes. So let’s delve a bit into the basics of BDSM.
Trust us when we tell you that Mr Gray didn’t even scratch the surface of the kinky and sexy things that two consenting adults can do to and with each other if the mood takes them.
The world of kink and BDSM is about as big as you can imagine, and probably bigger, since there are some things that people find wonderful that you may not even be able to imagine. When it comes down to it, as long as everyone involved is informed, consenting and having fun, who are we to judge?
That said: you don’t have to do anything that doesn’t work for you. The point is to have more fun, not less. So if the thought of a Red Room makes you cringe and go ‘I don’t care how hot and rich you are Mr Gray, no thanks’, ain’t nothing wrong with that.
B stands for Bondage. Handcuffs, leather restraints, satin ribbon, rope: anything that can hold you in one position is good for bondage. There’s a whole group of folks who just love to tie people in decorative knots (look up Shibari for some examples of beautiful ropework).
Bondage is often combined with Discipline. This might just mean that the person being restrained is required to behave in a specific way, or they may receive disciplinary action,
like spanking, caning, cropping, or whipping. You might like the idea of being restrained, and even told what to do, but not be particularly masochistic. That’s alright: you don’t have to take a spanking to enjoy the feeling of being tied up.
The same goes for those who like a light cropping to get the action going – there’s no requirement that you have to be tied up for discipline.
The D in BDSM does double-duty, as it also stands for Domination, combined with S for Submission. This is when two people mutually agree that one will be in charge (dominant) and the other will submit to them.
The Dominant decides exactly what will happen, and whether it will include bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism; even whether sex itself is on the agenda. It’s important to note that the agreement to have a Dominant/submissive relationship includes agreements on ‘no go’ areas, limits and safe words. And, contrary to what some books suggest, the Dominant does NOT get to dictate those terms.
S also has another meaning: S for Sadism, as in Sadism and Masochism (there’s the M). Sadists enjoy, and often get sexual pleasure from, inflicting pain on others. Masochists get pleasure from having pain inflicted on them. Interestingly, this means that a Sadist and a Masochist are not good partners for each other in kinky play: sadists want to know that the person receiving the pain is choosing to do it despite it being painful, not because they enjoy the pain.
From all of the above, you might have picked up that BDSM is all about power dynamics, and that’s really what it boils down to in many ways. BDSM, and other kinky activities like animal fantasy play or age play, is primarily about role play. We get to step out of our regular lives and be the powerful Dominatrix, or the bratty Submissive.
We get to explore new ideas of what pleasure could feel like, and how being in a different role changes the way we experience it. That’s the big attraction for so many people. The best part is, there’s no ‘right’ way to do BDSM, or kinky play. If you can think of it, and find a willing partner, you can try it. Maybe it’ll set your world on fire, maybe it won’t, but you don’t know until you try. Want to find out more about this kinky stuff? Good books are a great source of information.
We recommend Natasha Valdez’s A Little Bit Kinky or Tristan Taormino’s 50 Shades of Kink as great introductory guides. Ready to find an event near you or chat to local kinksters to find out more?
Try one44.net or fetlife.com – both are social sites for people into every kind of kink, with protected profiles to ensure your privacy.
