How to Introduce Kink into Your Playtime
Everyone is different, and one person’s regular night of fun may be another’s night of hot, kinky fantasy. We reckon anything goes as long as you’re having a good, sensible time.
So, let’s delve a bit into the basics of BDSM. Mr Grey (Fifty Shades) did not come close to the meaning of kink and mischief two consenting adults can get up to if the mood takes them. In other words, the world of kink and BDSM is as broad as your imagination. And as long as all parties are informed, in agreement and enjoying themselves, the boundaries are theirs to peg.
Remember: you do not have to do anything that doesn’t work for you. After all, you are looking for more fun, not less. So if the thought of something makes you cringe, say so. This is perfectly acceptable, and it is your body.
B stands for Bondage Guide for Beginners. Handcuffs, leather restraints, satin ribbon, rope: anything that can hold someone down reasonably well is good for bondage. You might be interested to research the age-old Japanese Shibari art of tying their partners in knots. Literally!
Bondage is often combined with Discipline. This might only mean that the person being restrained must behave in a specific way, or that they need disciplinary action (spanking, caning, cropping, or paddling) to get things heated up. You might like the idea of being restrained, and told what to do, but don't want it too masochistic. That’s OK. You don’t have to take a slap to enjoy being tied up. You only do what you are happy to do.
The D in BDSM stands for Domination. But if there is Domination there must be Submission. That is, two people agree that one will be in charge (dominant) and the other will be submissive.
The Dominant decides exactly what will happen, and plans the agenda. They need to acknowledge that a Dominant/Submissive relationship includes respecting ‘no go’ areas, sexual limits and safe words. However, contrary to what some books suggest, the Dominant does NOT get to dictate those T's & C's - they are mutually decided before play by both parties.
S has another meaning besides Submission: S for Sadism, as in Sadism and Masochism (there’s the M). Sadists enjoy, and often get sexual pleasure from, inflicting pain on others. Masochists get pleasure from having pain inflicted on themselves. This means that a Sadist and a Masochist are not good partners for each other in kinky play: sadists want to know that they are hurting the other person not because they (the Masochist) is enjoying the pain.
By now, you have picked up that BDSM is all about power dynamics, right? And that’s really what it boils down to. BDSM and other kink is primarily about role play. We get to step out of our regular lives and be the stern Dominatrix, or the bratty Submissive.
We explore diverse facets of pleasure, and how being in a different role changes how we experience it. That’s the carrot for many people. There’s no ‘right’ way or wrong way to BDSM. If you can think of it, and find a willing partner, you can try it. Maybe it’ll set your world on fire, maybe it won’t, but remember to tread carefully - Bondage can be a risky aspect of sex.
Go to our full range of Bondage and BDSM toys for more extensive options.
