How to Introduce Kink into Your Playtime
Everyone is different, and one girl’s regular Saturday night may be another’s night of hot kinky fantasy.
We reckon anything goes as long as you’re having a good, sensible time. So, let’s delve a bit into the basics of BDSM.
Mr Grey (Fifty Shades) did not come close to the extent of the kinky and sexy mischief two consenting adults can get up to if the mood takes them.
The world of kink and BDSM is about as broad as your imagination. Let us simply say that as long as everyone involved is informed, consenting and enjoying themselves, the boundaries are theirs to peg.
Remember: you do not have to do anything that doesn’t work for you. The idea is to have more fun, not less. So if the thought of something makes you cringe, say so. This is perfectly acceptable, and often expected.
B stands for Bondage. Handcuffs, leather restraints, satin ribbon, rope: anything that can hold you reasonably secured is good for bondage. Many folk include the Japanese Shibari method of tying their partners in knots with age-old techniques.
Bondage is often combined with Discipline. This might only mean that the person being restrained is required to behave in a specific way, or that they receive disciplinary action (spanking, caning, cropping, or whipping) to get things heated up. You might like the idea of being restrained, and told what to do, but without it being too masochistic. That’s OK: you don’t have to take a spanking to enjoy being tied up. In the same way you do not have to cropped if it goes against your grain. You only do what you are happy to do.
The D in BDSM is two-fold: Domination, but Domination covertly locked into Submission. This is when two people mutually agree that one will be in charge (dominant) and the other will submit to them (submissive).
The Dominant decides exactly what will happen, and whether it will include bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism; even whether sex itself is on the agenda. It’s important to note that the agreement to have a Dominant/submissive relationship includes agreements on ‘no go’ areas, limits and safe words. And, contrary to what some books suggest, the Dominant does NOT get to dictate those terms.
S also has another meaning: S for Sadism, as in Sadism and Masochism (there’s the M). Sadists enjoy, and often get sexual pleasure from, inflicting pain on others. Masochists get pleasure from having pain inflicted on them. Interestingly, this means that a Sadist and a Masochist are not good partners for each other in kinky play: sadists want to know that the person receiving the pain is choosing to do it despite it being painful, not because they enjoy the pain.
From all of the above, you might have picked up that BDSM is all about power dynamics, and that’s really what it boils down to in many ways. BDSM, and other kinky activities like animal fantasy play or age play, is primarily about role play. We get to step out of our regular lives and be the powerful Dominatrix, or the bratty Submissive.
We get to explore new ideas of what pleasure could feel like, and how being in a different role changes the way we experience it. That’s the big attraction for so many people. The best part is, there’s no ‘right’ way to do BDSM, or kinky play. If you can think of it, and find a willing partner, you can try it. Maybe it’ll set your world on fire, maybe it won’t, but you don’t know until you try. Want to find out more about this kinky stuff? Good books are a great source of information.
Try one44.net or fetlife.com – both are social sites for people into every kind of kink, with protected profiles to ensure your privacy.
Check out our full collection of Bondage and BDSM toys here.SHOP OUR BONDAGE GEAR!
