We’re about to enter the season of life, growth, and renewal! We think this should apply to your sex lives as well: it’s that time of the year when things might be a tad tame in the bedroom (cold weather, winter food and almost a year’s worth of work stress can do that to you), so we’re encouraging you to shake things up on the sex front.
Sextember is Matilda’s thirty-day sex project which sees you completing homework every day for the next month. The ultimate aim? More romance, more adventure, more fun and more intimacy. All the ingredients needed for healthy and happy sex life. Every ten days this month, we’ll give you your next set of 10 tasks, which you complete with your partner. So, keep your eyes peeled for the next article! Here are your first ten assignments. Have fun!
What: Write a love letter (handwritten!) to your partner. Highlight the reasons why you are grateful for them. Tell them why you love them. Thank them for something they have done for you in the past week (no matter how small). Express your feelings for them. Then, fold up the letter, put it in an envelope and leave it somewhere for them to discover during the course of the day.
Why: If you haven’t been intimate with your partner for a while, if things have been a bit stale lately, or if it is difficult to prioritize sex in your life, it can be difficult to get back into the swing of things. Sex is an emotional act – it’s a physical expression of the love and care you feel for your partner.
But often, life can get in the way of care and romance. With work, kids, family and financial stress, we sometimes forget to feel grateful for our partner – or remember why we chose them in the first place. To add the excitement back into your sex life, you’ll need to start in the emotional space. Highlight the trust, love and care you feel for your partner and it will translate into the physically intimate space. So, this first task is about expressions of love.
What: Buy yourself a gorgeous notebook and start writing your deepest, most creative sex fantasies. Write the things you’ve always wanted to do, but have not yet done. The things you feel embarrassed to tell your partner about. The things you imagine when you indulge in solo play. Don’t hold back – let your fictional self live the sex life of your dreams.
Why: There has been lots of research into the benefits of journaling. It lowers anxiety and stress, allows you to better understand yourself and also allows you to better express yourself. Writing down your fantasies will help you to tap back into your sexual being, and will hopefully help you to verbalise some of those fantasies to your partner when the time is right. This will get you in the mood for play – it’s almost like seducing yourself.
What: Have a look at the lubes on offer and buy yourself something. We love Pjur lubricants. It’s the bomb, really. Then, find some alone time, slip some on your fingers and make yourself reach orgasm. Yum!
Why: Seriously, lube is an essential to any sex life. You can choose from a range (tingling to hot to extra slippery) and believe us when we say it will revolutionize your sex life. You can use it for traditional sex, masturbation, mutual masturbation, anal… it just makes things so much better (more pleasure, less friction and irritation).
Like butter in porridge. Or sugar on churros. Or salt on popcorn. Order quantities of it because once you try it you will never again want sex without it. And you will be having sex this month (hopefully lots of it), so make sure you stock up! Masturbating regularly is also important – find out what you like and how you like it and keep your levels of desire up (the more you do it, the more you want it).
What: Tonight, you’re going to give each other a full body massage with some of our fabulous massage oils. Light some candles, get your partner lying on their front, slowly pour oil over their shoulders and begin to rub. We suggest getting a little frisky – push your hands between their legs and “accidentally” brush against their pleasure zones. Squeeze butt cheeks hard and push them apart to leave them feeling exposed. But stop short at anything more. This is all about the tease.
Why: We’re setting the scene – showing what we have in mind, but teasing each other to the max. It’s delicious and it will have you both gasping for more. It’s important not to have sex though – your ardor, passion and unfulfilled lust will make the next time you have sex all the more delicious.
What This morning we’re jumping in with oral sex. Yippee! Today it’s all about the licking and sucking and kissing. Erogenous zones only! We’d suggest taking it in turns – one partner sits on the side of the bed with the other partner on the floor. Or try a 69. Goal – both of you need to reach orgasm.
Why? We want you to spend time pleasuring your partner. Oral sex is almost a barometer of how much you adore your partner. This is you tasting and drinking every little bit of them. It’s hugely intimate. It’s also a great way to be vulnerable and let yourself truly go – get in touch with your femininity or masculinity and enjoy. It’s a beautiful thing.
Reading erotica together adds to foreplay and imaginations.
What: Find a sexy novel and take turns in reading to each other.
Why: Engage and stimulate your imagination and open new doors. Reading erotica together can help you overcome shyness, and cross the threshold – from where you are to where you want to be in your sex life. It’s a wonderfully sexy way to increase sexual tension and intimacy between you.
What: Peruse through our selection of lovely lingerie and choose something that will make you (or your partner) feel beautiful and special. Have a scented bubble bath (or men, draw one for your lady) and light a few candles. Towel off and slip into something sensual. Then go show off your new goodies to your man (or ask your lady to model for you).
Why: Feeling beautiful is key to bedroom confidence. You’ve spent the last four days expressing yourself, getting creative, pleasuring yourself and your partner, so you should be feeling a little more emotionally connected with yourself and your loved one. Now, it’s time to delight in each other’s bodies. Admire, remove items slowly, and enjoy some good old-fashioned love making.
What: “Tonight, when you come home, I want to undress you, take you into the shower and soap you down – from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. I want to massage every part of you…” Or something similar. Send it!
Why: Sending sexy texts to your significant other is a wonderful way to build delicious expectation… It’ll be like you’re dating again. By the time you see each other after work, you’ll be jumping on each other and tearing off clothes before the door is properly closed. Oh yes!
What: Picnic blanket, wine (or whatever your tipple of choice), biscuits, dips, grapes, strawberries, chocolate dip, honey, prawns… And you and your partner, naked on the floor.
Why: We can hear some of you asking this with an air of slight incredulity. You're both naked. On the floor. Surrounded by food. Come on. If there is one way to take you out of your comfort zone, it’s to have a naked picnic. With spreadable food. If you have kids, make sure you take them to the in-laws. This is the most romantic fun you’ll have all year!
The ever-popular rabbit vibrator!
What: Choose from one of our fabulous RABBIT vibratorsand use it during tonight’s play time.
How did you find the first 10 days? Send an email about your experience to firstname.lastname@example.org - we want to know how you're getting on!