This is the first review by our new, independent reviewer, The Rocket Scientist. His very brief bio reads:
"Forty-something, good-looking, happily-married. Writes on the internet, sometimes for money, mostly not. Doesn't actually work with rockets."
The Rocket Scientist writes a popular and totally not sex-related South African blog. We love his writing, so we asked him if he'd be willing to review toys for us. We are sure you will enjoy his humour, and his no-holds-barred coverage of the important things. The Rocket Scientist receives no payment for his reviews, and we encourage him to provide a fair an impartial review. If it sucks, we want to know, so we can make sure we bring you only the best toys and intimate items.
I was asked to review the Pulse 2 Solo - the latest “Guybrator” from the UK’s Hot Octopuss. Apparently, it uses “high-amplitude oscillations rather than low-amplitude vibrations” to stimulate you. Which all sounds very progressive, doesn’t it? Because I hadn’t really used solo toys before, this was going to be a bit of a new experience. So - to coin a much used phrase - how was it for me? First off, the basics. In the box, you get the Pulse 2 Solo, an instruction booklet, a charging cable (4 hours of USB charging gives you 1 hour of playtime), and a black drawstring bag, which is presumably meant to keep the toy away from prying eyes, but which looks like something a pirate might carry his gold doubloons in and would surely automatically attract attention were you to carry it around in the open. As somewhere to keep the toy safe and sound though - better.
The toy itself looks like something out of 2001: A Space Odyssey. It’s rather futuristic - a space-age, shiny black and slate grey monolith. And at first sight, it’s BIG too. But fortunately, as this road test progressed, its size in relation to... you know... the thing that I had been comparing with, decreased. Significantly.
The chunky black plastic body is attached to two flexible but sturdy “wings”, which are designed to wrap around the penis and hold the toy in exactly the right place. And exactly the right place, apparently, is with the five rand sized oscillating disc called the PulsePlate™ – complete with a motif of the British crown - fitting snugly against your frenulum. Don’t worry if you’re not too au fait with the anatomical nomenclature, it’s actually all rather self-explanatory, and if you’re still struggling, there are plenty of diagrams in the instruction booklet.
One big plus with the Pulse 2 Solo is that you don’t have to be erect before you use it, meaning that you can get started as soon as you’ve charged it up and you can enjoy its help with “getting you up”. So don’t worry: those wings will happily grip whatever you’ve got to put in there and will expand as you do.
Switch it on with a two-second long press on the function button on the left hand side (meaning that you’re going to have to be really unlucky [or particularly clumsy] to activate it accidentally). This function button also acts as the toggle for the 6 different oscillation patterns. The continuous vibration one is the obvious first choice, but if you want to slow things down a bit, there are four intermittent vibration options and even a repeated Morse Code letter B (that’s ‘dash-dot-dot-dot’, for any purists) if you’re feeling adventurous. Pick your favourite (or favourites). Or why not try them all?
On the other side of the toy are the ‘volume’ keys, allowing you to increase or decrease the intensity of the oscillations. There are nine different levels, but given the immediate proximity of the PulsePlate™ to your most sensitive area, the higher end might quickly prove rather too much to take. Noise-wise, even at the full power, the Pulse II Solo is fairly discreet: inadvertently, I discovered that you can certainly drown it out with whatever is on SuperSport 3 (although you might legitimately choose to be watching something else, I suppose).
One thing to note is the weight of the toy. It’s about 200g. That in itself is not a huge problem. The issue comes with the balance of the thing. All the weight is on one side, and while the wings do hold it in place quite well, no matter what position you choose, you are going to have to assist occasionally.
If you are kneeling or on all fours, it will vibrate itself off you. If you’re on your back, all the weight is on the top and it topples off very quickly. The alternative is obviously to try face down, but that’s awkward, smothers the toy and stops the oscillation. And the fun. So this isn’t a hands-free device (not that it ever claims to be) - you’re going to have to help it out with some support. But really, that’s the only drawback.
And the vibrations being applied directly to the several thousand nerve endings of your frenulum will allow you to forget about it pretty quickly. How good is it? Well, the feelings are quite overwhelming, and it’s all too easy to lose control quickly. Probably because of the extremely localised stimulation on the frenulum, the resulting climax is a big, BIG hit: extremely intense, if rather short-lived.
Certainly a different experience from traditional manual stimulation. The instruction booklet suggests that using it in the bath or shower (it’s 100% waterproof) or with lubrication will give you “a wholly different masturbatory experience”. And that sounds like something else I’d like to try.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) can place huge strain on a relationship, and can be devastating for the man as well as his partner. However, ED doesn’t have to ruin your relationship. Our Agony Aunt at Matilda’s answers a question from one of our subscribers about how to cope with her husband’s erectile dysfunction.